First and foremost, any play partner must be ready to become a friend to earn the trust that is necessary for play. Second, if my size is an issue, shove off... I'm working on being healthier, and that's for me. Third, being big doesn't mean I'm OK with getting treated like less of a lady; just because I'm plus-sized and kinky.
I come off at first as sweet, timid, and sensitive. At the core, when romantically involved, I am so much more than that. I like to plunge the depths of those connections. I crave someone who will push me up against the wall and growl in my ear. Who can handle it when I flip them over and pin them. Who is amused by that ploy and returns me to the wall with another growl. And in all of that leaves me feeling safe in their presence. Only time and friendship will build the required sense of security. To know that I can be held in place beside a partner without being physically or mentally broken.
A lot of my failed relationships have been those who didn't inspire respect or true connection in the form of love from me.
Intense... with a chance of Chaos.
I have realized a lot of my failure to seize anything lasting and meaningful it has been because of trying to hold myself to restrictive stereotypical "submissive or good wife" norms. When it is not truly within my nature to be docile and/or passive. Submission within play is an expression of affection and trust.
Instead, I often attempted to partner with people who reflected back the parts of myself that I tended to deny. Which eventually gives way to conflict...
When I'm happiest, it's because I'm in an environment that supports me at my fullest expression. Allows me to be bold and confident. Because there is a fire ? in my soul that, when allowed to breathe, makes my life worth living. It allows for a drive, passion, and momentum; that many don't consider "good waifu" material. I mean, at what point do you see Lara Croft "Tomb Raider" settling behind a picket fence? This is the type of energy that is within me.
I need a partner on purpose with me... someone who would expose me to rock hunting, hiking, snorkeling, and cave diving. That would want to inspire each other and others in our circles to live life to the fullest.
I may be 44, but I'm not ready to roll over and settle down. While there is nothing wrong with being a wife and/or mother. (They are a building block of civilization). At this stage of my life, it's just not amongst my interests. There is a world out there waiting to be explored
Now, a partner to beat back unwelcomed Demons with me... that's another story, that I wouldn't mind exploring.
ENGAGE MY MIND, EARN MY TRUST and I may let you watchover me as I dance with the cosmos.
I fair well under Arthurian leadership and Intelligent Nerdery. Fluency in LoTR, Star Wars, Green Lantern, D&D or... etc, as a spiritual metaphor is a plus
If you're looking to add to your D&D campaign, my preferred class is Cleric.
